A Beautiful Distraction
by changinglanes
Summary: After Beck breaks up with Jade, Jade flees to Ireland, where Cat is staying with her cousin. Soon after arriving, she meets an altar boy, who unbeknownst to her, is harboring a dark secret. Heartbroken and sad, Jade finds herself winding down a path of startling clues and questions, which doesn't help the feelings she is developing for a certain redhead.


I pretended the water was wine in my hands. I began drinking from the bottle, tasting and swallowing the bitterness. An icy wind kept nipping at my skin, vehemently reminding me of my aching. I bit my lip to suppress a scream trying to crawl its way out of my throat. My mind had been blown. So here I am, standing on the cobblestone of an Irish city, seeking refuge in the early morning silence. Here I am standing on the street two and a half hours after dawn grappling with the truth. The quiet emptiness that has settled in on the capital offers something, but not much. It doesn't eradicate the feeling inside me. I squinted my tired and weary eyes at the horizon and took a breath of cold air. The glare of the sun must have been a sign.

I begged god for something to shine down on me. It's ironic because I don't even believe in god. I just needed _something _to believe in. _Anything. _Maybe, just maybe _he _was sending me a message. Perhaps this is a sign of his existence. It could be a strange coincidence, though. As I picked my feet up off the ground, trying to compose myself, I questioned whether or not I was dreaming. I knew I wasn't. And since I am not dreaming, I am going to run as fast as I possibly can.

Most people think that Cat is stupid. And they honestly have reason to. But, she once told me something that couldn't have come from a mind that's been deemed as stupid.

She said to me, "I guess you become the way you are today because of the way you have been raised."

I never thought I would hear such words to be uttered out of her mouth. Her statement was and still is true. I believe it too. Perhaps it's not true for everyone, but so far in my life, the statement has proved to be palpable. Would I really be as vulnerable as I am now if it hadn't been for the past? When my family fell apart something happened. I fell apart. I became a different person. I became tough and cold because of the images that I saw. I saw the fights that tore my parents away from each other. I heard the angry fights. I felt the fights. The tension grew into my skin and I felt everything. Didn't they realize that words echo?

"HONK!" My heart jumped and I got startled by the noise. I was so busy thinking that I hadn't been paying attention to where I was going. I had walked into the middle of a one-way street. Luckily, one of the cars had stopped before hitting me. I shook my head and apologized out-loud, even though the driver couldn't hear me. I continued walking, reminding myself to pay attention.

"Try not to get yourself killed this time, Jade." I looked around at the city, contemplating the setting. This place is perfect for my mood.

Dublin is situated at the mouth of the river Liffey. Gloomy clouds hang over the water and the buildings, while the cobblestone streets take up different sections. The weather is chilly most of the time and there is not a lot of sunshine. Usually I wouldn't mind if it wasn't bright outside, but right now I actually need some sun. I need it to be bright. I decided I had to run as fast I could. There isn't really anything else I can do. The negative energy is dissecting me and trying to pull me into the darkness. I have to escape. I tried the best I could to compose myself and then I lifted up my legs. I sped past the buildings, looking in front of me, as everything became a mixture of colors in my eyes. I ignored everything. Harsh feelings rushed in and out of my body. Tears began to well. Hurt bounced off the city walls, forcing there way into my heart. I ran faster. I tried thinking about Cat.

Her voice became an echo. "It will be okay. "It will be okay. It will be okay." I concentrated hard on my friend's imaginary but somehow helpful voice. She's always been there for me. Always. No matter what. She's been my best friend and trustworthy companion for over 6 years now. I've even started developing a bit of a crush on her. I haven't bothered to think about much because I was with him. I'm sure it doesn't mean much. So, that's what I am going to do. I am going to think of Cat. Because my heart aches too much right now to not think of her. This is the last place I should have come. I mean, I planned on coming here, anyway. Cat is staying here with her cousin, Kayla and I thought I'd surprise her. I wasn't supposed to leave until next week, but I was and I still am too broken to stay in California. As soon as he broke up with me I hopped on the first flight I could find. So, here I am. I am in Dublin, Ireland, the place where he and I went on a class trip.

My heart wrenched inside my chest and I held back another scream. Up ahead I saw a familiar looking church. I would have to go past it and remember everything. He told me he loved me for the first time at that place. I jogged up the hill, tears falling. I tried to look away, but it was impossible not to see it. "I love you too, Beck." I saw the memory. I saw him grab my face with both of his hands and kiss me passionately after I returned the statement. I sobbed all the way down the hill. I ran faster, picturing Cat. The cold burned my skin and I wished that the pain would go away.

At the bottom, I noticed that the river had come into view again. A dock stood about a mile ahead and shops lined the street. I stopped to take a breath. Another memory flooded my mind. Across from me is _the Irish Scoop._ It's an ice-cream parlor where he and I once sat eating some of the best ice cream we'd ever had. Tears cascaded as past shadows crept onto the chairs outside the parlor.

"_Hey, babe. Look over there." I did as he asked and saw his hand fly up out of the corner of my eye. I felt my nose become covered in cold ice-cream. _

"_Ahhhh!" I gasped and he laughed. My mouth hung open._

"_Oh, you did not just do that." I said in disbelief. In between laughs, he answered._

"_I believe I did- I shoved ice cream down his shirt, in an attempt to get revenge. He also gasped. I stood there laughing just like he did._

_Beck stood up and smiled. "Oh, it's on." He said devilishly. He smeared his dessert all over my face, giggling._

"_Ahhhhh! I gasped again, laughing. I took my cone and also smeared ice cream on his face. He threw his hands back and giggled again. Everyone stared at us, but we didn't care. He stood up with his cone, grinning wildly, the both of us still laughing. _

"_No, don't you dare!" He brought his dessert closer and in between giggles, I pleaded, "No! "No, Beck. Stop!" Before he could shove any more ice cream onto me, I took my dessert and smashed it onto his head. _

"_Haha!" Ha!" For the third time he gasped. He lit up, laughing, and raised his ice cream up in the air._

"_No!" I laughed, pushing his hand away. We were both grinning. The ice cream landed on top of my head. He pulled me onto his lap, licking the ice cream off my nose. _

That's when I lost it. I ran straight for the dock, my feet pounding against the cobblestone. I kept crying, letting the tears fall. I felt the cold winter wind blow on my skin and burn with each droplet that came down. I moved faster, my legs growing tired. The smell of the salty river drifted up my nose. The stench of ocean brine was strong and reminded me of lobsters. I looked up at the foggy sky. The sun was trying to peek out of the clouds. I looked down again and my feet hit the wooden platform. I am so close to the edge. Just a minute of running left. I pushed my legs and went faster. Soon enough, I reached the drop.

I flew off the dock, landing at top speed into the River Liffey. The buildings around me became a blur and I fell 6 feet below. The world around me went by in slow motion. I heard the clacking of shoes hitting the cobblestone behind me. Not caring about anything else but myself, I ignored the sound. The expected, but unexpected cold of the water crashed against me. It chilled me to the bone. To the creep following after me, it probably looked like a suicide attempt. I didn't want to die though.

I just wanted my body to get something in return. Something I could compare to the way I feel. I choked on the water and coughed, spitting out the frigidness. I sunk into the river, becoming numb. I ducked my head underwater, succumbing to my cries.

I let my animalistic sobs wrench me to pieces. I emitted a painful sounding scream under the surface. I thrashed around, unaware that something was touching me. When I realized that fact, I slowly awakened out of my stupor. My hand had wrapped around a scratchy piece of fiber and I felt myself being tugged at. The glare of the sun got closer to me and my head began emerging out of the water. I was being pulled up. A strong brogue entered my ears and a concerned face came into view.

"Hello, can you hear me?" "You don't want to do this."

Hey, idiot. I obviously did want to do this if I jumped in. The voice resonated, but I was still stuck in my stupor so I didn't really listen. Also, quite honestly I didn't give a shit about what he had to say. I am in no mood to hear someone tell me what to do. Besides, I don't know who the hell this guy is. He is just some creepy stranger who is making me feel much worse. His face became clearer as my head had risen somewhat above the river.

He extended his arm out. "Here, come on out." Oh, yeah. That sounds like a fabulous idea. Letting a complete stranger help me out. Yeah, right. What a brilliant idea, you stupid Irish! A biting sarcasm cut into my skin. If it wasn't already evident on my tear stained saddened face, I want to be left alone.

"C'mon, I won't hurt you." Ha! That's what all the rapists say before they assault you!

"Really, it's what anyone would do." And if it makes you feel any better, you should know I am an altar boy. So, It's not in my nature to hurt anyone. People like me only want to help."

He smiled and I felt sick. No, you actually make me feel much worse. I am an atheist and I don't appreciate being treated like a charity case. The "alter boy" riled my blood. A rude, harsh comment threatened to hurl itself out of my throat. I held my tongue, probably hard enough to draw blood and composed myself.

And it hurt too much to talk now, so speaking wasn't an option for me.

How do I know that he wasn't lying? He could be an adjunct assistant taking little boys to the back of the church, where he would molest them. Vile men like that should have special places reserved just for them in the deepest pits of hell. He could be a murderer thirsty for my blood…okay, so maybe that is a little much.

With that in mind though, Ted Bundy's veneer was like the guy in front of me. Sweet and charming…okay, I need to stop. Why am I thinking about petifiles and murderers? That won't do anything to help my psyche…

Shaking the negative thoughts out, I groaned. I moved my arms and legs, allowing myself to swim up to the dock. Waves splashed and hit my skin, causing me to quiver. He extended his arms out and I snapped at him.

"No! I can get myself out!" I pulled myself up with my arms, struggling to lift my body up. Tired and defeated, I let him help me. He took his arms and pulled me out. I landed like a fish on the dock and stood up, wanting to get away from him.

"I am an atheist, you freak." Get away from me."

I said sharply, moving quickly past him. I shooed him away, flinging water onto him. He didn't object. He just stood there awkwardly and smiled like nothing was wrong. Freak. "Yeah, me too." "Well, sort of." The blunt words made my legs stop. I swiveled around, almost instinctively.

I scoffed. "Yeah, good luck explaining that one to the priest."

He grinned stupidly again. My god, I swear if he keeps flashing me the same look, I will be forced to jump off the docks again. I will have no choice. "Well, luckily I don't have to. I am Protestant." Oh, I see. He took my comment literally. Priests are Catholic. Stab me.

Listen." I don't give a shit about religion, so I don't waste my time correctly naming the members of the damn clergy, okay?" I was quite proud of my snarky statement. That should shut him up.

"Who said I did either?" "That's not part of what I do as an altar boy -

This guy is giving me heart palpitations. As if I needed another thing to break me down. It was a wonder that I hadn't used my rage to shove him with all my might into the Liffey. My eyes were emblazoned and I stared him down. I was fuming. If I were a character in a fantasy novel, steam would be coming out of my ears.

Look, kid." I don't know what the hell your issue is, but I'll say it again because apparently you're deaf." I don't give a shit about your religion, so I am just going to leave now, okay?" "Bye!"

I began to walk away, aggravated and extremely annoyed. "Alright. Bye, Jade!" I stopped immediately in my tracks and whipped my head around. My mouth hung open.

"I am this close to calling the police."

"No, no. That won't be necessary." Let me explain myself." Why don't you sit down?"

Even though, he is a complete stranger, I found myself agreeing to him. Somehow, the guy knew my name and I want to know what his deal is anyway.

We sat down together on a bench near the end of the dock. "I've talked to your boyfriend-

"Ex-boyfriend."

"Okay, then, I've spoken to your ex-boyfriend before." I cringed at the word. Which made it easier for me to notice your necklace. You see, you guys were on a class trip and you and Beck visited the church. I noticed his necklace and I complimented him on it. He told me it was a matching pendant for him and his girlfriend. I struck up a conversation with him. Really nice guy. We talked for a while, while you were outside doing whatever. He couldn't stop talking about how great you were-

I held my hand out. "Stop." I sobbed." Just stop talking."

"Let me guess, you guys just broke up-

"_We_ didn't break up. _He _broke up with _me_." Tears fell down rapidly and I tried to wipe them away. There was no point, though.

"I am so sorry. I could tell he really loved you-

"Are you trying to make me more upset?"

"Right. I apologize." Why don't you tell me what happened?"

"Fine."

"Wait, before we get started, let my introduce myself. I'm Shane."

Sniffing, I greeted him. "Well, it's lovely to meet you, Shane." I tried my best not to sound sarcastic, but it didn't work.

He smiled. "It's good to meet you too, Jade."

I spent the next 15 minutes explaining to him about our breakup. I told him that we had gotten into a fight. We'd been arguing for a while and last night was the final straw. I told him how much of jerk he'd been. I told him how much we loved each other, no matter how much we'd been fighting. But, like I said, last night was the final straw.

"_Look, I-I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore if we're just going to fight all the time."_

"_Okay." I nodded. I am going to walk out the door and if you're not out there by the time I count to ten, we're done." _

_Those were the worst seconds of my life. When I reached 10 and he came out, I thought he had changed his mind. _

"_Jade, sit down." I followed his directions and sat down on the cement. _

"_I can't do this anymore." He said, exasperated. My heart twisted itself painfully inside of my chest. I couldn't breathe._

"_So, you're giving up on me?" On this?" _

"_No…Jade, you know that I've tried. You know that this relationship hasn't exactly been-_

"_Yes, I know! I know we've been arguing and I know it's been hard, but don't break up with me, please." I felt myself choking on the air. Tears fell down my cheek._

"_I think it's for the best." _

"_But…I love you." _

"_I know you do. And I love you too." "But, we have to do this." I don't want to, but it's for the best."_

By the time, I had finished talking about the breakup, I felt like I never cried so much in my whole entire life. Tears were just falling and falling. My god I am a mess. He looked at me with the same warm eyes that Beck had.

"I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you. I know that if my girlfriend ever breaks up with me, I'll be broken." I nodded, not knowing what else to do.

"You have a girlfriend?"

"I do."

"Oh. And how long have you guys been together?

"Almost three years." About the same time you and Beck were going out."

"Ah. Cool." What's her name?"

"Kayla." She's awesome. You would like her."

How interesting. She has the same name as Cat's cousin. Wait, a minute…no, it couldn't be the same girl.

"This Kayla…wouldn't happen to be from the states would she?"

"Why, yes...actually, she is." He looked surprised.

"And she wouldn't happen to have a cousin staying with her right now would she?"

"Yes, she does!" "How did you know that?

"Because her cousin is my best friend." I smiled.

"No way! Are you serious? You're friends with Cat?" His eyes were as wide as dinner plates and he was grinning.

"Yes, I am. I assume she's mentioned her before?"

"She told me that she was coming to stay with her and she's mentioned Cat a couple of times… but, I mean, she's not a usual topic of conversation." From what I've heard, she's one crazy redhead."

I smiled. "Oh, yeah."

"Is she nice?"

"Yeah, she's really sweet." Anyway…what's your deal?" He raised his eyebrows. Thankfully, I am already beginning to feel better…for now.

"What do you mean, what's your deal?"

"I mean, you said you were an atheist, but you work for a church. Doesn't really make whole lot of sense-

"It's complicated." And I don't think you'd really care. Plus, it's not exactly a happy subject…I don't want you to be more upset than you already are." I rolled my eyes.

"Trust me. I can handle it. "And I already feel better, so…

"Okay, then…are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Alright, well-

We heard screeching and both turned our heads. A screaming toddler came charging towards us. A black haired woman chased after him. Soon enough, he was close to Shane and he grabbed the toddler, raising him up in the air.

"Oh…gotcha!"

"I am so sorry." The women said apologetically.

"It's fine, it's fine." You look like you need a break, anyway." She sighed.

"I was supposed to watch him and I let him go-

"It's fine. Let me watch him. You go take a break." She smiled and walked the other way.

"Oh, wait…I want you to meet someone." The woman turned back. No! No! No, I don't want to meet anyone when I look like this!

"Mallory, this is Jade. Jade, this is Mallory-

"Oh, so this is Jade…

I smiled. "Yep, that's my name."

"Well, he's mentioned you before. You're Beck's-

He shook his head and I held back my tears. I had enough crying for one day. "Oh, alright." Sorry." It's nice to meet you, Jade."

I smiled. It's nice to meet you too…Mallory, is it?"

"Yep." And in case you were wondering, I'm his brother's wife." This is my son, Liam." I looked into the toddler's eyes and greeted him.

"Well, hello there." He grinned.

"Liam, can you say hello?" His mother questioned him sweetly. He hid his head beneath Shane's shoulder.

"He's a shy one." Mallory said, grinning.

"That's okay." I said. She said goodbye and went off, leaving the three of us alone. We sat down on the bench, continuing our conversation.

"Where were we? Oh, right. I was going to tell you about this boy's father, but someone interrupted us." He smiled at the boy and returned the expression.

"Speaking of the boy's father, where is his dad?"

"That's the point I was trying to get to." Fortunately for him, he doesn't understand what I am talking about. You see, Byron, my brother… he's schizophrenic. I had to put him in a in a ward about 4 months ago.

"Like, a psychiatric ward?" I feel bad for the guy and can sympathize with him. I wouldn't know a thing about having a family member who is mentally ill. My brother has diabetes, although that is (thankfully) nothing like schizophrenia. God, what a terrible disorder to have.

"Exactly." I didn't want to, but I had to." He stared sadly at the ground. The voices were getting really bad and he wouldn't take his medicine." I didn't have a choice."

"What did the voices tell him?"

"Apparently, the voices were God and Jesus." Whatever they told him, he believed them. Whatever, they asked him to do, he did." I remember him inviting me to go kill an animal because "god told him to." I didn't go with him, but I ended up finding a dead squirrel on the front steps, anyway. They've also told him to do things such as break into the neighbor's house, which he did and got arrested for. He stole a vase from their home. He was forced to put it back. On one occasion, he punched an atheist because "jesus was mad at him for not believing" and "said for him to."

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry." That sounds awful."

"Yeah, it was. Still is."

"Have you ever gotten into trouble for what he's done?" He paused, looking away, his focus on the river. He sighed and turned his attention back to me.

Oh, yeah." Because I was around him when the voices told him to do whatever, I was part of the crime." I nodded.

"Are the voices the reason he didn't take his medicine?"

He smiled and pointed at me. "You're quick to catch on." Yeah, that's why he didn't take his medicine. God was telling him that he didn't need to. If he had them he didn't need the medicine. I am not really an atheist. I know he's out there, but I have trouble believing in him. I mean, I am really trying to, but it's hard. What kind of god would let my brother believe what he heard was real?" He had a better reason than I did when it came to being an atheist.

"I know how you feel. It's like when my parents got divorced. Why did I have to go through something like that?" I mean, that couldn't have been stopped?

"Your parents got divorced?" I nodded.

"I am sorry." How about we stop talking about all this sad stuff and get something to eat?"

"Sounds good to me."

I followed him through the courtyard, hoping that I'd stop thinking about Beck. I asked Shane a question to distract myself.

"Where are you from?" That's not an Irish accent I hear." He paused.

Someone's observant." I chuckled.

"Most people assume this is an Irish accent. It's hard to differentiate." But, I am from Scotland. The highlands, actually." You're from California, right?"

"Yes, I am. And, yeah, that's where I thought you were from." A forceful gale blew past us, nearly knocking Shane and I down. I felt myself skid across the path we were walking on. I fell headfirst onto the ground and landed on my butt.

"Oh! Are you alright?" He held out his hand and I got pulled up, shaking myself off.

"Yeah, I'm fine. God damn ice." I realized that I was in the presence of a churchgoer and quickly corrected my words.

"I mean gosh dang. Sorry." Embarrassed, I averted my gaze. We were almost at the entrance to the church. The place of worship is painted brown and had a bell tower. A ridge led up to a sign for the church, which read:_"St. Patrick's Cathedral." _Flower buds were beginning to pop up out of the dirt, around the hedges that were on either side of the stone steps. Glass windows were on both sides of the door.

"That's alright." Believe it or not, I actually swear quite a bit myself."

"Oh! My gosh! Such a terrible Christian!" I said sarcastically. He chuckled.

"I like you…you're funny."

"I try." Our shoes clacked against the steps and he opened the heavy, red door. The inside of the cathedral was big and open. I have to admit the place is really pretty. Stained glass windows let the light in and velvet seats filled the pews. Fake, but beautiful looking flowers were set up against the end of the altar. The three of us exited the main part and went down a set of stairs. When we reached his office he offered me food.

"A donut?" Or two? He offered me some from a box on his desk. There were about 12 there. Starving, I gladly accepted and took a glazed donut stick and a Boston Cream out of the box. I put the stick in my mouth and chomped down on the sweet, goodness.

"Oh my god...this is SO good! He chuckled and grabbed one for himself. I looked around his office, picking up the little kid in my arms. There were books all over and stacks of paper on the floor. I left the donut on the desk and went over to one of the many bookshelves. He had bibles and other books of about worship.

The Torah, some book about Buddhism, the Quran, the Mormon Bible, some Hindu bible, the Quaker Songbook, the Book of Zen, Christian Science Reader, Watchtower Magazine (for the Jehovahs Witnesses) and other titles that I didn't feel like reading.

"You've got quite a selection here." He swallowed a portion of a donut hole and answered.

"Well, this is a church, so...

I thought that a sarcastic comment would be acceptable for right now. "Really? I didn't notice."

He chuckled for about the fifth time this morning. "You really enjoy being sarcastic, don't you?"

"No, not at all." I said with a serious face, and then smiled at him.

Shane smirked. "I'll take that as a yes." He looked down at a piece of white lined paper and scrunched his face together. I put down the squirming toddler.

"What are you writing there?"

"It's my sermon for Sunday. It'll be my first time up on the pulpit."

"Can I read what you have so far?"

"Sure."

I grabbed the paper and l viewed it.

_What does it mean to believe in something you can't see? For some people, it means putting all their strength and faith into believing. I am not one of those people. I've tried and tried, but it still remains a constant struggle. I mean, how do any of us know if he's out there? I mean, really, truly out there? And if he is, where do you find him? Is he within you? _

_What if he's somewhere where you've never been before? How do you begin to look for him when you don't even have a starting point? These questions run through my mind a lot at night, when I am in bed. They often keep me awake. And I feel guilty about it. As a Christian, who's been going to church for years, I don't feel like it's right of me to question his existence. Aren't true believers the ones who never question? What happens in situations where you believe in him, but he doesn't show? What happens then? What if you pray to him and it doesn't get better? _

_I am beginning to believe that you have to look inside yourself in order for your prayers to be answered. _

_Over the past 4 years, I've had to deal with my schizophrenic brother, telling me that the voices he hears are that of Jesus and God and how they force him to doing different actions. I started questioning how God could make my brother believe that God is really telling him all these things. Of course, I realized the Jesus and God my brother referred to couldn't possibly be real. But how could I make my brother believe or better yet, how could he make himself believe that? I mean, I don't even think he can look inside himself to push the voices away. His sense of reality is so warped._

_As I said before, I am beginning to believe that you have to look inside of yourself in order for things to get better, for you and for others._

Wow. I found myself blown away by his words. All of it is so true and it's not cheesy, like a lot of sermons tend to be. He's not trying to make you believe either. It hasn't been often, but during the times I've been to church, I feel like the person reading the sermon is persuading you to believe in something. It's different with this guy. He's actually letting you figure the truth out for yourself instead of being pushed against a certain belief.

"This is really good. It's actually better than the sermons I've heard."

"Do you really mean that?"

"I do." He smiled. I knew he felt proud of himself.

"It's very well written and not cheesy like most sermons are."

"I am glad you think that. You're welcome to come on Sunday. You don't have to, but you can if you want to." I could tell he wasn't forcing me to go, but I could also tell he really wanted me to come. I am actually getting to like him, although I don't really know him, so perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if I went. He doesn't seem like a bad guy and what else will I be doing? Hey, if it gets me away from thoughts of Beck, I'll gladly go.

It was an odd and unusual thing for me to do, but I might actually take up his offer. "I don't usually do this, but I might be able to come."

He grinned wildly. Now, would you like to go on a little adventure with me? He gave a devious look. I am so in.

The spiky haired guy returned Liam to his mother and about 10 minutes later we were in his car driving through the city streets. It probably wasn't the smartest idea to go for a ride in a stranger's car, but he said he would take me to Kayla's house and I didn't have any other way to her home. The buses weren't running at this time and I didn't have a car, so I didn't have a choice. Besides, I got a nice view of the city.

"Okay, so, we're going to play a little prank on Kayla. We wear ski masks and break into her house through the window." We tell her to give us the money or we'll shoot. Then we take out our water guns and squirt them on her-

"Oh my god, yes! Let's do it!"

"Really? You're in?"

"Oh, I am so in…

"Awesome." He said as he turned a corner. I happily looked out the window. The sun finally began to come out of the clouds and the fog was fading away. He was driving down one of the main streets. Rows and rows of shops lined the center of the city. The buildings were a mix of new and old. Some were fine and some needed a proper refurnishing. The view began to make its way back into the recesses of my mind. The sights of the capital were becoming familiar again; it had been awhile since I had been here. We passed a lot of interesting looking stores and restaurants. I could see why the place is such a tourist attraction. Dublin is a cool city to visit. Kayla lives about 6 minutes away from the downtown section. I enjoyed how different this place looked from Hollywood. The streets were certainly narrower and the houses and buildings in my opinion were much better looking. They had a nice architectural style to them. Not that the houses and buildings in L.A. don't…they just look better here. The city is much older and you can tell, too. One major difference is the cobblestone. You definitely don't see that in the Los Angeles area. You definitely don't see clean skies in Hollywood, either. The air quality is so much better in Ireland. It's certainly not as polluted, that's for sure.

Shane drove past a well renowned pub, which he informed me was the best one here. I highly doubt that, but I listened anyway. Its not like am old enough to go into a bar, anyway. He stopped the car at a stoplight and waited for the light to turn green, or whatever color it was correct for someone to turn at in Dublin. I don't know if the laws are any different here. A taxi honked and swerved by the car. He honked back and cursed.

"What the hell?" Thanks, buddy!" He yelled.

Asshole." He muttered, and then looked at me embarrassed.

"Sorry." Dubliners drive like maniacs."

"That's alright." It happens. People are idiots."

He scoffed. "Yeah, you got that right."

The light turned and he drove straight up the road. A couple of restaurants came into view and he switched onto another street. A playground that was reminiscent of my last visit appeared around the corner. On our fifth day here I chased Cat back and forth on the woodchips. She had tickled me and knew that I hated being touched. I tackled her to the ground, but she escaped. Cat ran away, giggling and I ran after her trying to hold back the laughter.

_I felt her hands grab onto my shirt and rub against the fabric frantically. I squirmed. "NO!" I removed her arms off of me and she stumbled. I got a hold of her waist and pushed her down, falling on my knees. But, before I could tickle her, she ran away giggling. _

_I chased after her, trying not to giggle. She looked back at me and grinned wildly. God, she's cute. I am not afraid to admit that. What? Everyone knows it. Yeah, I've got a boyfriend, but that doesn't mean I can't look at her. Besides, everyone looks at her. She's beautiful. I sped up, smiling. My legs were beginning to ache, but I would win this match. Cat headed for the swings and like a cheetah, I dashed, even faster than before. The structure and all other surroundings became blurry. The only thing I was focusing on was she. She paused and stuck her tongue out, making a funny face. I shook my head and got closer to the red haired girl. _

_She realized stopping was a mistake and took off, speeding up. It was too late though. I smirked. Oh, I was so going to get Cat. There was no way she could win this. I was determined to beat her. I almost had her. Sweat dripped down my temple and I continued to chase her. She was about an inch away. I sprung up and grabbed her chest, tackling her to the ground. She squealed and squirmed, trying to break free. I moved my fingers on the fabric of her shirt, tickling her. _

"_Ahhhhh! Hahaha!" No!" Ha!" Stop it-hahaha!" We were both laughing, by now. The only other time I've ever been this happy is when I was with Beck. I thought he was the only one who could make me so happy. I was wrong. I've been best friends with her for awhile now, but somehow, I am just realizing how happy she makes me. _

I smiled at the flashback.

However, in a second the smile had gone. My heart swelled inside my chest. I spotted a tree, which to anyone else would be an ordinary tree. But it is anything but ordinary to me. Tears burned in my eyes and my sternum ached. On the second to last day of our trip, under the shade of the tree, Beck and I had a picnic. I thought it was a stupid idea, but when he looked at me with his sweet, warm brown eyes and pleaded me to, I couldn't say no. He said he had a surprise for me.__

He kneeled down on his legs and my heart caught in my throat. I couldn't breathe. He wasn't proposing, was he? We are too young to get married and he knows that. He reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a blue box. I nearly passed out. I felt dizzy. I didn't know what to do. He's going to propose and I don't want to no, but I can't say yes. He opened the box. A beautiful black and sparkly ring was inside.

"Before you freak out, this is a promise ring." Since we're too young to get married, this ring is a promise of forever. Jadelyn August West, I truly love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you." Do you accept-

I grabbed his face and leaned in, my lips crashing into his. We kissed passionately. His hand got wrapped up in my hair, while his other laid on my shoulder. Sparks flew from every different angle and I couldn't help, but let the tears fall down out of sheer happiness. I am the luckiest girl in the world. How did I end up with someone so wonderful?

I fiddled hopelessly with the ring that was still on my finger. A droplet fell upon the age-old sparkle. A ray of light reflected itself off of the jewel and shimmered. I sniffed.

"Let me guess, something in the park provoked those tears, right?"

I nodded. I held up my finger and explained to him the memory. "On our second to last day here, he and I had a picnic under one of those trees. He gave me this ring. It symbolized a promise of forever."

I tried to pull it off, not being able to stand having it on anymore. It wouldn't budge, though.

"I see. I am sorry." I know how special he is to you." Is there anything I can do to make you stop crying? I hate to see someone so upset."

I shoved my hand into his face. "Get it off me." The car came to a sharp halt near a brick red house. Shane tugged on my finger, struggling to remove the object. My skin began to burn and by the time he got it off, the area where the jewel was now red and swollen. I spoke vehemently.

"I want you to have it. Give it to Kayla. I am sure it will mean a hell of a lot more to her than it does for me now."

"I am afraid I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because it wasn't meant for me."

Something about his tone of voice and the way the statement sounded brought on a feeling of sheer agony. It shook my core. Again, I found myself praying to god to make this feeling go away. I thought about Shane's sermon. Is this when you find him? When you're at your lowest? When you're so desperate you beg to something you're not even sure is there?

"So, is this when you find him? When you're at your lowest and you don't know what else to do?"

He gave me an expression of concern and sighed. "Yeah." That's what I am beginning to think." He said sadly.

"Jade, I want you to listen to me." He pointed to a location ahead.

"Do you see the bench over there near the bushes?"

"I do."

"Well, one day Byron and I were out talking a walk, right near the bench. He stops and tells me, "he can't take the voices anymore." All of a sudden, he takes a knife out from his pocket and held it against his chest. "I swear to god I am going to do it!" I begged and begged him not to. I tried to take the knife away, but he wouldn't let me. I've never felt so trapped in all of my life. But then a light shone down from the sun and he dropped the knife. "I won't do it." He said. I don't know what happened to make him change his mind, but it was like-

"Like a light sent down from God?"

"Yeah." Exactly.

"That's beautiful, but is there a specific reason why you told me that?"

"I am saying I thought he really was going to kill himself. But, then something good happened. You may be at your lowest point right now, but _I swear _something good will happen to you too. Something that will take the pain away, like that light." I know that sounds cheesy, but-

"I get it."

We sat there about a minute more and then he took off. I wiped under my eyes and I unzipped my backpack. I reached in and pulled out a mirror. I opened the case and groaned. My mascara had smeared and run down the side of my face. The rest of my makeup had faded and I appeared to be as white as a ghost.

"Why didn't you tell me I looked like this? I've been walking around like the god damn bride of Frankenstein."

He laughed heartily. "First off, you really don't look that bad." Second of all, does it matter? Whom have you run into that you know?"

"Alright, well, you do have a point."

Shane's car passed a small port. Sailboats and catamarans were anchored to the docks. Men with fishing rods unloaded the back of their trucks. An early morning riser was out walking her shaggy dog. With one hand on the wheel, he pulled a handle and opened a compartment. To make it easier for him, I asked him what he needed.

"What are you trying to get?"

"Two ski masks, which are underneath a yellow booklet. I slipped my hand beneath the yellow book and to my surprise, saw a folded picture of a naked man. Rather aroused and curious, I pulled it out, discovering a gay magazine.

"Ohhhh, what is this?" I said, flipping through the pages.

"Oh, Shit! "God dammit, Byron." He muttered and snatched it out of my hand. He threw it in the back of the car. I unbuckled my seatbelt and leaned over, retrieving the porn.

He sighed when he realized I had it again. His cheeks turned bright red.

"That's not mine. It's my brother's...he's bisexual."

"Oh." Hot." I said, bluntly."

He shook his head. "Yeah, especially when you walk in on him having-never mind." Now put that magazine back...I don't want to see that. Its disgusting."

I snorted. "Ha! You've walked in on him having sex with some guy?"

"Multiple times, yes. Not a pretty sight let me tell you." That's how I found out he plays for both teams."

"Great way to find out." Let me guess, you don't approve of his sexuality?"

"No, no." I don't care about that. I just don't like seeing him naked, barebacking my best friend. Or any other guy for that matter. He's my brother...

"Ohhhhh! You saw him having sex with your best friend?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Well, that sounds lovely. "I assume you don't want this, then?"

"What do you think?"

I smirked and bent down, unzipping my backpack. I happily shoved the magazine inside; not caring that is is porn. I might need some excitement later...

"Did you just put that in your-never mind. I can't tell you not to look at it."

"Good, cause I am probably going to."

A couple of minutes later, some questions popped into my head that I hadn't inquired about. "How old are you?

"That was random...but I'm twenty-two. How old are you?"

"Almost eighteen." Is your brother someone that should be avoided? I mean, is he a bad guy?"

"Again, random, but I wouldn't say so, no." He's not exactly bad; he just get's himself into trouble. There's got to be good somewhere there." He made a left and slowed down. I had forgotten her house is here. I'd never been to Kayla's place before, but Cat told me where it is. Assuming we were getting out, I dug into the compartment and took out the ski masks.

Where does your girlfriend live?"

"Up the hill. Do you have the masks?"

"Yeah, I do. Why did you have these in here anyway? Are you planning on taking a trip to the Arctic?"

We both got out of the car and slowly started walking. I slung my backpack around my shoulder and he answered me. "No, I am not going to the Arctic. It's in case it gets cold."

"It gets cold in the arctic. That's why asked you if you were planning on going there."

"Haha. Very funny."

The bright pink and orange that once swirled in the Irish sky faded into white clouds. The sunset had disappeared and the day was beginning. I trudged up the hill, feeling weighed down because of my damp clothes. Also, I am exhausted. I barely slept on the plane ride. It's nearly impossible to find a comfortable position to sleep in on a plane. When I stopped tossing and turning long enough to actually fall asleep, I got woken up by an announcement from the flight attendant. An icy cold gale blew through the trees and I shivered. Luckily, Shane had given me a warm coat right before we left the church, so I wasn't that affected by the cold.

"Byron! Byron, listen to me!" I honestly don't think they care." I hadn't realized he was on the phone. His eyebrows were furrowed and his hand rested against his head, rubbing his temples.

…because I know…look, would you just-I don't know why they tell you that-can you please-I said I don't know! Would you just take your medicine please? They'll stop talking to you if you take your pills…yes, I promise. Alright, I've got to go now. Bye."

Shane sat down on a rock, frustrated and let out an exasperated sigh, as if he'd had enough. Concerned, I walked over to him and sat on the ground. "You alright?"

I am so tired of this, Jade."

"I can tell…

Why do you do this to yourself? Don't you have parents that can take care of him?"

"My mother is dead and my father is confined to a wheelchair."

"I am so sorry. How did she die?"

"I don't know." He said, shrugging.

"How do you not know?"

"Her body was found in the middle of the woods, naked and covered in blood. A Celtic cross had been crossed into her abdomen and a bloody knife was found at the scene." I cringed at the gruesome imagery. Usually, I would have found it to be morbidly fascinating. However, when the death involves a naked woman, my interest decreases. If she was naked, rape is a major implication. Why else would her clothes be off? It's not a subject I take lightly.

"Well, wasn't an autopsy performed?"

"Yes, one was performed." But, any theories we had about what could have happened proved to be wrong. A large amount of Cyclobenzaprine was found in her system, though."

"Oh, yeah. I've heard of that." My mom use to take it. It's a muscle relaxant, right?" I raised my eyebrows. At first, I was disgusted, but now I am intrigued.

"It is. Before we learned about the drug being in her system, we considered that she committed suicide-

"But if she had taken or was given a muscle relaxant, she wouldn't have been strong enough to kill herself."

"Exactly. Someone else must have done it." He said, assuredly. However, it was never declared as a murder."

"What? Why?" I asked, extremely confused.

"There wasn't enough evidence."

"Ummm…wasn't the knife enough evidence?"

The knife was coated in her DNA and her chest had a stab wound. Apparently, that's enough to rule it a suicide."

"Not if someone else did it. Did you try to match the symbol-

He shook his head. "I know what you're thinking. I tried to find where the symbol came from. I spent hours and hours looking at different companies logos and talking to people. I never found any answers."

"I am sorry."

He nodded and stood up. "Let's walk and talk."

"Okay. So, what happened to your dad?"

"My dad has an extremely rare disorder called Guillain-Barre Syndrome." Only one or two people out of 100, 000 are affected by it.

"Jesus, I am so sorry." Is it curable?"

"It could have been. We didn't have the money to afford treatment."

We had now approached the house and were putting on our ski masks. "Do you see the red flower pot?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Lift it up. The water guns are under it."

"What are they doing under there?" I questioned, walking over to the pot.

"Kayla put them there, so Rascal, her new puppy, wouldn't get to them.

"Ahhhhh." I said, picking up the potted plant.

"We have to be quiet. Follow me."

I did as he asked, doing my best to not make any noise. Both of us made our way onto the mulch near the window. I noticed Kayla in her bra and underwear standing by the counter. "Get down." I whispered.

"Why-ohhhhh….

Shane's eyes widened and he stared in awe at his girlfriend. I must admit she's very pretty. I rolled my eyes.

"Hey, horndog, we have a job to do."

"Right, sorry…

He slowly opened the window, taking out a screwdriver from his sweatshirt pocket in the process. "Why do you have a screwdriver with you?"

"To unscrew the screen." Shane began loosening the metal pins and in a short time, the screen was taken off. Kayla had exited the kitchen, so we were safe to go in. She wouldn't even notice us. Carefully, we climbed through the opening and landed on the floor. She walked back into the kitchen and we slipped out behind the counter.

"Get on your knees!"

"AHHHHHH!" She dropped her glass that she was holding and it crashed to floor, spilling pink liquid on the ground. It looked like a strawberry smoothie, but I couldn't really tell. When she didn't get down, most likely out of fear, I intervened.

"He said get down!" Immediately, she dropped to her knees, pleading.

"Please, don't hurt me."

"Just follow our directions and we won't have to. Put your hand behind your back." Quickly, she did as I instructed.

"Now, get up and go into the living room." She stood and hobbled into the room, scared out of her mind. I held the water gun to her back. This is the greatest prank known to man. I am extremely proud of myself. The living room had dark purple walls and blue furniture. There was a bookshelf and a television, along with some dog toys scattered about the room. Kayla sat down on the couch, trembling with fear. We took out the guns and she cried.

"Give us your money."

"Ummmm…how much do you want?"

"Shut up. Just give us all of what you have."

"All of what I have-

Lady, are you deaf? He said give us all of it! Now, go get the money or we shoot!" She scrambled up off the couch and we followed after her, Shane holding the gun against her back.

"I am getting the money…please don't shoot me."

"Hmmmm…what do you think? She talked again, should we be nice and not kill her? Or just go ahead and kill her? I asked Shane, trying to taunt the innocent victim.

"Let's go ahead and kill her."

"No! No, please don't!" She shielded her face and we smiled. Both of us shot the fake guns and water spurted out. Kayla looked extremely confused and we laughed. Shane and I took off our masks.

"Oh my god!" I grinned and she slapped the two of us. He grinned as well.

"Ahhhhhh! Jade!" She lunged forward and her arms wrapped around me. She held me there for a second and then released me, leaning over to her boyfriend. Kayla kissed him on the lips.

"Hey, babe."

"I am going to kill you!" You guys nearly gave me a heart attack." Relieved, she headed back to the living room and we all sat down on the couch.

"When did you get here?"

"At about 5:00 this morning."

"My gosh, why so early?"

"I don't really want to go into it…

"Oh, alright…well, Cat is going to be thrilled that you're here. She hasn't stopped talking about you since she arrived."

"Really?"

"Really." Why don't you go on up and surprise her? She's upstairs sleeping." It sounded like a good idea to me.

"Alright." Should I hide in the closet and then pounce on her?"

"Yes, that sounds awesome!" It was settled. After having some cereal, I quietly made my way up the stairs, and crawled into her bedroom on my hands and knees, not wanting to make any noise on the carpet. I successfully made it in without waking her and slowly opened the closet door. It was pretty dark and I really couldn't see, but I didn't care. I didn't need to see. I sat on the floor, however, sitting right back up when I heard and felt something crunch beneath me. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone, turning on the power button. In about a minute the closet lit up with the light from my phone. I held it above the spot where I was sitting. A pile of shirts lay on the floor. I flung the articles of clothing in the back of the closet and discovered a gym bag.

A dollar bill stuck out of the bag. I felt around for a zipper. When I found it, I pulled it open and my eyes widened. I gaped at the contents. Money. Tons of money. There had to be at least a thousand dollars in here! I can't even fathom what I am seeing right now! How could someone have this amount of money in their closet. Cat stirred in her bed and I thought now, might be the perfect time to pounce. I will need to find somewhere to put this load of cash. Standing up, I zipped the bag and reached up, placing the bag on a shelf. I concealed the baggage by putting the clothes on top. I got on my knees and slowly opened the closet door, crawling out to the hallway. I would wait until I saw her eyes open.

Kayla passed by me with a cup of coffee and handed it to me. I smiled and thanked her for my warm drink, which I was very much in need of. It was nearing on 7:30 and Cat was still asleep, so I pulled out my phone and watched some videos. I ended up drifting off to sleep, but woke up when her cousin tapped me on the shoulder. "Someone's awake now." Excited, I peered in her door. Sure, enough she was awake. She wasn't out of bed, yet, but her eyes were open. I barged in, running and screamed. I pounced on her bed and tackled her. Her face lit up like a jack o' lantern when she saw me. "AHHHHHHH! "JADEY!" She threw herself on-top of me, also tackling me. Her arms wrapped around my back tightly and she kissed me on the cheek. It was unexpected, yet I enjoyed the feeling of her lips. When she released me from her death grip, she spoke happily.

"OMG! She wrapped her arms around me again and I laughed. This time her grip was even tighter. "Can't breathe…

"Oh, sorry!" I am just so excited! And really happy that you're here! When did you get here? How are you?"

"Calm down, calm down." I said, laughing. I got here at 5:00 this morning."

"Oh my gosh! Why so early?"

"Because I wanted to see you." She blushed and it was just about the cutest thing I had ever seen. She smiled. Ever since she'd thrown her arms around me, she's been looking at me, like I am the best thing she's ever seen.

"Oh my gosh, Jadey, we are going to have so much fun!" She said, clutching my arm.

"I know."

"I really didn't expect you to come. I figured you'd be spending all your free time with Beck." I stared down at her mattress, the tears immediately falling down. I wept.

"Jade?" Why are you crying? I am sorry…I didn't mean to-

"It's not your fault. Beck broke up with me last night…

"Oh...

She extended her arm to touch my shoulder, but retracted, knowing that I wasn't one to want comfort. Now, in most situations, I wouldn't want to be comforted. But, right now, I was so broken, I didn't care. She was smart to even know that she should retract, but it killed me to her do that. There was something so inviting about the way she looked at me when I said we had broken up. Her face expressed genuine concern and compassion and I needed that more than anything. She truly cared. "It's okay, Cat." I sniffed.

Her arm wrapped around my shoulder and I collapsed against her chest, crying harder. Both of her arms were now around me. "Shhhh…it's alright. Let it out." And I did. She held me and I cried, shedding my tears on to her shirt. Something about her arms felt so safe. I would never admit that out-loud, but it was true.

15 minutes later, the tears has subsided and I was she was still holding me. It felt so nice to be in someone's arms. The pain hurts so much and it's nice to know that I have a chance at being healed.

"It hurts so much, Cat." The palm of my hand touched my chin.

"Look at me, Jade." I shivered. She lifted up my chin and I stared at her.

Everything will be alright. I know you're hurting, right now, but the pain will go away…because I am here. I am here for you, Jade."

As I looked at her after she said that, I saw a shimmer of hope in her eyes.


End file.
